Controlling Relationships: Why Are Some Men Controlling?

A common connection challenge in today’s globe and 1 which has been all-around for many years is Regulate. The shape this conduct normally takes could possibly have modified over the ages, but the outcomes remain the identical.

What is also obvious to see is always that equally Adult males and ladies could be managing. Having said that, below We’re going to mainly look at the dynamics of managing Gentlemen. And when it is appropriate or required, I’ll consider the part that Girls are enjoying in all this.

Since for 1 facet to Participate in out there should be the opposite facet available. By this I mean that to ensure that Command to generally be to become doable; there should be somebody that is prepared to be managed.

How Does This Glimpse?

This behaviour is often exhibited in several approaches, from one of the most refined to one of the most extreme. Managing Adult men will often be described as: jealous, possessive, domineering, manipulative and violent; to name but several examples.

Right here, a lady could really feel emotionally upset and compromised on 1 side on the spectrum. To getting physically harm and mentally and emotionally abused at another side of the scale.


Even though this conduct is dysfunctional and harmful; it can often be justified. Which means that this conduct might be described as being an expression of affection, care or defense by way of example. And everything that the woman claims that opposes this look at is going to be denied and dismissed.

So Because of this The person’s real motives will stay not known on the Ladies; they could even be unknown to the man. It will eventually all depend upon how knowledgeable He’s.

One more consequence of this is that the Gals might sense invalidated and begin to query, doubt and deny her inner senses.

Defence Mechanisms

The act of justifying, denying and dismissing are all defence mechanisms the ego thoughts makes use of; with their sole function staying defense. So as a way to be familiar with what brings about a person to generally be managing to a lady; we should go a little bit further.

We must search by means of these defence system to understand what might be taking place beneath them.


The act of control is solely being used as a method of defense. So even though it may possibly look as if this behaviour is coming from a location of electric power and strength, it is really coming from an area of dread and disempowerment.

And the reason these behaviours are now being used is to avoid and compensate for this inner conflict and disharmony.

Emotional Regulation

From the use of such behaviours The person has the capacity to emotionally regulate himself from the outside in. And if he ended up to drop the Command; it is very likely that repressed emotions, feelings, feeling and views would arrive at the surface for being processed.

What this external Management provides is definitely the illusion of getting interior Regulate. This is certainly why it should be a relentless procedure, mainly because once the external Manage stops so does The inner Command.

Where by And exactly how Did This Start off?

So if these defence system and behaviours are only being used from the Moi brain for cover/basic safety and for emotional regulation; what may have happened to begin with?

First of all we can easily see that in order for this conduct to be completed, kinds Moi brain isn’t remaining monitored and is also therefore in control; mainly because if a single was mindful one would modify this conduct. And Next to ensure that a person to protect oneself, there have to have been a circumstance inside their heritage where it absolutely was necessary to accomplish that.